


i won't forgot the season when we were here

by TripCreates



Category: Free!
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Matsuoka Rin/Yamazaki Sousuke, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Polyamory, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-30
Updated: 2018-08-30
Packaged: 2019-07-04 15:47:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15844437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TripCreates/pseuds/TripCreates
Summary: Rin gets the worst phone call of his life, again.A story of loss and acceptance as Rin comes to terms with the unexpected deaths of Haru and Makoto.





	i won't forgot the season when we were here

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Val_Creative](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Val_Creative/gifts).



> I've been holding onto this fic for about two years now, never finding the motivation to finish it. I just couldn't get the emotional feel right. But last month when the figure skater Denis Ten was killed, I found it. The events in this fic are in no way inspired by that tragedy but the emotions Rin goes through certainly are since it's how I've been coping and processing what happened to him. I know MCD fics are not everyone's cup of tea. Hell, usually I avoid them but for this, I knew I needed to write it.
> 
> Title is taken from "Neo Blue Breathing" because it was fitting to use the makoharurin song for this.
> 
> Also, there's an accompanying [fanmix](https://playmoss.com/en/amandertrip/playlist/i-won-t-forgot-the-season-when-we-were-here) too!

Rin flops down onto the couch, belly first. The practice was exhausting today with how much Mikhail pushed him. He needs to make dinner but lying there for a few more minutes seems like the better option.

But before he gets too comfortable, his phone begins to ring. Rin groans as he momentarily debates letting it go to voicemail before pulling it out of his jacket pocket. If someone is calling him at this time it better be important.

He glances at the caller ID before answering. Nagisa? He was used to the younger man texting him, not calling.

“Hey, Nagisa, this is a surpri-” He cuts himself off at the sound of sobbing on the other end. Rin bolts up on the couch. “Nagisa, what’s wrong?”

He tries to keep himself calm as he waits for Nagisa to speak, shifting into a more comfortable sitting position. As the seconds tick by, the more Rin starts to panic and tries _not_ to think about all the reasons Nagisa could be in this current state.

“R-Rin,” Nagisa begins but his following words are an unintelligible garbled mess as he attempts to speak through his sobs.

Rin is on the edge of his seat as his heartbeat pounds in his ears. He wants to be patient with Nagisa since something is clearly very wrong but he needs to know what’s going on.

He runs his fingers through his hair and pulls at the strands. “Nagisa, I can’t understand what you’re saying,” he says calmly despite feeling far from it.

He hears a muffled voice on the other end and the phone being taken away from Nagisa. Rei’s more composed voice comes through.

“Rin-senpai, there was an incident involving Haruka-senpai and Makoto-senpai.”

Rin’s heart drops to the pit of his stomach. He just talked to them this morning before practice to confirm the arrangements for his visit home next week. “Are they okay? What kind of incident?”

Rei doesn’t reply and the silence drags on for an eternity.

Rin waits with baited breath, afraid to ask again. They have to alright.

Rei takes a deep breath. “Rin… I don’t know how to say this,” he starts. His voice is heavy and begins to waver.

Rin squeezes his eyes shut. He doesn’t want him to finish that sentence. Nothing ever good follows that sentiment.

But before Rei continues, he loses his composure and starts crying. Rin feels his own tears welling up.

Nagisa’s voice comes back over the line, a little more composed this time. “They didn’t make it, Rin,” he says quietly.

Rin feels as if the wind was just knocked out of him. This wasn’t real. Rin must have fallen asleep on the couch and this is all a horrible nightmare. He’ll wake up and everything will be okay. Haru and Makoto doing just fine back in Tokyo. He was going to see them next week.

But Nagisa continues talking, his words rushed as he tells Rin what happened but he barely processes it.

Rin feels like a kid again, answering that phone call about his father. It was happening all over again.

The phone falls from Rin’s hand, hitting the rug with a thud. He can’t listen anymore. Nagisa shouts his name but it doesn’t register with Rin as his whole world crumbles around him.

 

Rin doesn’t know what time it is when he wakes up. He’s disorientated with a throbbing headache he feels behind his eyes. He slowly pushes himself up into a sitting position and just sits there for a moment, rubbing his eyes and tear-stained face.

He blinks a couple of times and pushes his hair out of his face. It’s still dark outside his window. His gaze drops to his phone on the floor, the red flashing light alerting him to the new messages.

He knows what they’re about and he doesn’t want to acknowledge them. Reading them will only cement what Nagisa said earlier and he can’t accept that. He can’t. This was all some kind of a sick joke because there was no way they were –

But he picks it up anyway and unlocks his phone. There are missed calls from Nagisa, Gou, and Sousuke, followed by countless texts from everyone back in Japan. He scrolls past the messages of condolences, unable to open them, as he starts to cry again just seeing the preview for the texts.

It wasn’t a nightmare after all.

He takes a few minutes to collect himself before opening the message from Nagisa with the information about the wake and funeral services. He sends a short response back to him simply acknowledge he saw it. He’ll worry about responding to all the others later.

Rin feels like he’s on autopilot as he rises from the couch and goes to his room to get his laptop. He goes through the motions of changing his flight tickets, not batting an eye at the extra fees it costs. He’s just lucky to find a seat at the last minute. Once he has the confirmation, he sends the details to Sousuke and Gou without any further explanation and shuts off his laptop.

He shuffles about his room, pulling out his luggage and clothes from his closet. He curses out loud when he realizes he doesn’t even have a black suit to wear to the services. He hasn’t needed one here in Sydney.

Rin picks up his phone and types out a message to Gou. He was sure she was still awake.

 **[Rin]:** Is my old suit still in my closet?

 **[Gou]:** Yes. I’ll have it out for you.

 **[Rin]:** Thanks

Rin tosses clothes into the duffle bag mostly at random along with the other necessities. Once it’s all packed, he tucks his passport into the outside pocket and sets it by the bedroom door for the later. He runs through a quick mental checklist to see what else he needs to do before leaving soon. Having his mind focused on the task at hand helps keep him going besides dwelling on reality.

He realizes he never changed out of this clothes after practice and pulls them off for a new set of clean clothes. He’d take a shower once he got back to his mom’s. His stomach growls at him but he ignores it. His nerves are too keyed up right now to even get anything down. He can always just eat on the plane.

Rin runs through his apartment to make sure everything is turned off before grabbing his bag. He calls for a cab as he locks the door. It’s not until he’s sitting in the back of the cab that he remembers to send a message to his coach explaining why he won’t be at practice the next few days. Rin doesn’t give a return date because he’s not even sure when he’ll be back.

 

Rin grabs his luggage off the carousel. He glances around for Makoto and Haru out of habit before he can stop himself. How long is it going to take for him to not do that?

He spots Sousuke instead waiting for him. Rin can’t even bring himself to smile at his best friend as he makes his way over to him.

Once he reaches him, Sousuke pulls him into a tight hug without uttering a word. Rin lets go of his bag to wrap his arms around Sousuke, burying his face in his shoulder. He didn’t realize how much he needed a simple hug.

Rin doesn’t know how long they stand there before Sousuke eventually pulls away. He grabs Rin’s bag before he can and they set off towards his car.

Sousuke’s presence is calming but Rin can see how torn up he is about it all as well. Rin wants to say something but he’s at a complete loss himself.

So the ride back to his mom’s house is a quiet one with only the radio playing softly to keep it from total silence. Rin stares out the passenger window the whole ride. He senses that Sousuke wants to talk about what happened but Rin doesn’t want to yet. He appreciates him for not pushing the subject though. He’ll talk to him when he’s ready. Whenever that is.

Rin wakes up from an unexpected nap when he feels Sousuke shake his shoulder.

“Rin, we’re here.”

He blinks a few times in the bright sunlight as he lets out a yawn. When he steps out of the car and stretches out his stiff arms, he barely has time to close the door before Gou is knocking into him with a hug.

“Onii-chan,” she greets but her voice doesn’t hold its usual bright tone.

Rin hugs her back, giving her a pat on the head. He knows he’ll be dealing with this a lot over the next few days from everyone else.

“Hey, Gou.”

Sousuke walks around to their side of the car with Rin’s bag over his shoulder. “Shall we go inside?”

Gou steps back, wiping away a tear.

Rin feels guilty for avoiding talking to her after he got the news. She was close to Haru and Makoto from their club days. But to be fair, he shut everyone out. Even now he doesn’t want to talk with anyone about it. He hopes they’ll all understand.

Instead, he wraps his arm around her shoulders as they make their way inside. Rin doesn’t know how he’s going to get through the wake and funeral over the next couple of days but at least he won’t be doing it alone.

 

* * *

 

Rin steps outside with Sousuke trailing behind him. He shoves his hands into his pants pockets as the wind pulls a few strands of hair loose from his ponytail. The joint funeral service was over and Rin couldn’t stand to be in there any longer. The wake had gone by in a blur the day before but today was all too real for him. It was suffocating. Seeing them in the caskets was indescribable.

It seems like everyone that Haru and Makoto ever knew was there. Rin always knew they were both special people but he’d be biased in that regard. So it was comforting to see so many come to pay their respects.

Naturally, Makoto’s family was there along with Haru’s. The latter was a surprise to Rin though. He still can’t get over the fact the first time he meets them is at their son’s funeral. How fucked up is that?

Nagisa and Rei came together and sat not too far back from Rin. There were many familiar faces as well. Natsuya accompanied by his fiancé and younger brother are there. Their other old teammate Asahi came along with his boyfriend Kisumi and brother.  Their old coach and club advisor Rin remembered seeing at the high school swim meets. Even Ai, Momo and Seijuro attended with others from Samezuka.

While it’s nice to see some old faces, Rin hates this is the circumstance to reunite with all of them. As Rin gazes around the room before the service starts, he’s amazed to see how many lives the two of them touched in just their short years.

“Do you want to head back?” Sousuke asks, pulling his keys from his pocket.

Rin shakes his head. “You can. I think I’m just going to walk around for a bit. Just let my mom and sister know.”

“Are you sure?”

Rin glances over at him. He can see the concern in his eyes. He gives Sousuke the best smile he can muster. “I’ll be alright. I promise I’ll come back.”

Sousuke gazes at him for a moment before nodding. “I’ll see you later then.”

With a wave, Rin takes off. He doesn’t have a destination in mind. He lets his feet carry him to wherever around the town.

It’s quiet as Rin walks. He honestly can’t remember the last time he walked around the town. Whenever he visited Haru and Makoto, it’d been in Tokyo. Being back in Iwatobi without them alive is an odd feeling. Much like everything else over the past couple of days, Rin can’t put his feelings into words. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this.

While they may have moved on to Sydney and Tokyo, Iwatobi was still their home and the place it all started for them. It was full of their history around every corner, the good and the bad. Their first proper meeting in elementary school. Swimming in their relay together and winning. Reuniting years later in high school. Falling in love.

But now it feels empty.

Growing up, Rin never expected to stay in the area forever. He had too many high of expectations for himself and wanted to see what the world had to offer. He was glad Makoto decided on a university in Tokyo and Haru followed him so that it got them out of here for a bit. It was good for them. But even after the years of dating them, Rin knew the two of them would eventually settle back in Iwatobi when they were older and bring Rin along with them. They’d no longer be separated by an ocean’s distance.

It was a future that was no more now.

Rin doesn’t realize how far he’s walked, or where exactly he’s at until an old familiar cherry blossom tree comes into view. He chuckles to himself. After all this time, he’s still drawn to back to this place.  

Not much has changed around the elementary school. He comes to a stop by the fence across from the tree. He wishes he could get closer to it and see if their bricks are still there but he doesn’t want to risk getting caught trespassing. It’s been over ten years since that day he talked about the relay race that would cement their futures but it feels like a lifetime ago.

As he stands there, gazing ahead, he’s overcome with a wave of thoughts and emotions he’s been holding in since the phone call.

“It’s not f-fair that you’re both gone and I’m still here,” he says out loud, voice cracking.

Tears start to roll down his cheeks and he’s surprised he still has some left him in at this point. All he’s done for two days straight is cry and he was sick of it.

His hands clench at his sides as he continues. “Why did it have to be both of you? We were going to swim together at the Olympics, Haru, and show the whole world what we’re made of. And Makoto, you were going to help so many kids learn the joy of swimming and brighten the world with your kindness. You both had so much more to give to the world!”

Rin slams his fist on the chain-link fence, ignoring the pain. A new emotion he hadn’t felt over the past couple of days flares inside of him.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

“ _Why?!_ Why did it have to be you two! Why _now?_ ” he screams. His voice echoes in the quiet surroundings, scaring a flock of birds that take to the sky.

“We were always going to be together. We promised!”

He doesn’t blame them for what happened. He curses the world for taking them away from him.

Rin’s whole body shakes as he begins to lose control. He didn’t try to muffle his sobbing as it took over. He’s too concerned with trying to breathe. Everything was too much all at once.

He feels regret at moving off to Sydney after high school and being so far away from them the past few years. There was so much lost time in between. Back then, it didn’t seem like a big deal. Sure it sucked but they always made up for it later with their visits. Rin always thought they would have more time in the future. How could he have known it would turn out like this?

His feels his legs start to give out from him and crouches on the ground, burying his face in his palms.

“Why can’t you come back to me?” he says quietly, his voice now rough from the crying and screaming. “I didn’t even get to see you guys one last time. I’m so sorry.”

He would give anything to trade places with them. They didn’t deserve what happened to them. It’s not fair.

Rin doesn’t know how much time has passed. That seems to happen a lot lately. He admittedly feels some sort of relief after finally getting the feelings off his chest that he’d been holding in all this time.

His phone starts vibrating in his pocket and he pulls it out. Nagisa’s name is on the screen. Rin takes a deep breath and answers.

“Hello?”

“Rin-chan, were are you right now?”

“Out by Iwatobi Elementary. Why?”

“Rei-chan and I were wondering if you wanted to meet us at ITSC Returns. We understand if you need to be alone right now, but there’s something we want you to see,” Nagisa explains.

Rin mulls it over for a minute. As much as he wanted to be alone in his misery, his friends were hurting too and it didn’t sit well with him to keep pushing them away. He can picture Makoto’s disapproving face if he refused. “Sure, I can be there soon.”

“Okay, we’ll see you then.”

Rin ends the call and sits there for another minute before pushing himself up, sliding his phone back into his pocket. He rubs his face on the sleeve of his jacket and dusts off his pants.

He walks the short distance to the swim club and sees Nagisa and Rei outside waiting for him.

Rin quirks an eyebrow at them. “Why do you have a shovel?” he asks stopping next to Nagisa.

“After our last relay together in high school, the four of us wrote about what we saw from it and buried them here. The idea was to dig them back up and read them when we were all together again but we never got around to doing it before –” Nagisa cuts himself off. He takes a deep breath, grip tightening around the handle. “We felt like now was a good time to dig them up and we wanted you here for it.”

Rin’s expression softens and he nods. He’s glad they thought to include him for it.

He follows them around to the back of the building.

“I think we buried it here,” Rei says and points to spot on the ground.

Nagisa removes his suit jacket and hands it to Rei. They silently watch as he puts the shovel to the spot and presses it into the ground with his foot.

He doesn’t have to dig long before the shovel hits something metallic sounding. A couple scoops later and the metal tin comes into view. The three of them squat down and remove the rest of the dirt with their hands.

Rei pulls it out and wipes the remaining dirt off the top. He stares at it for a moment. “It feels wrong opening this without them,” he says.

“It does, but I’m sure they would want us to though,” Nagisa says. He reaches out and places his hand on top of Rei’s, giving it a squeeze.

Rin glances away, unable to look at their simple display of affection. It’s too soon for that. He looks back up when he hears the lid popping off. Inside are the four letters, each addressed with their names.

Nagisa reaches in and pulls out Haru and Makoto’s. “Here.” He offers them out to Rin.

Rin takes them from and stares at them, rubbing his thumbs over the envelopes. Rei and Nagisa are opening theirs and talking about what they wrote but Rin isn’t paying attention.

He flips the one on top over and sees that it’s Makoto’s. Carefully, he opens the envelope and pulls out the piece of paper. He reads over Makoto’s words on the unending love for his friends. He’s not surprised in the slightest. Makoto had a big heart that was full of love for everyone.

Rin carefully folds the paper back up and places it on his lap before opening Haru’s. He wonders what the other man could have written. He was a man of few words and even after the three of them started dating, still relied on Makoto to speak for him on many occasions. Rin pulls out the paper and hopes it’s something more than just to do with “free.”

As expected, it’s short but Rin smiles as he reads “everlasting bonds.” Haru certainly seemed to come out of his shell by the end of high school and he’s glad felt connected with others.

Rin tucks the paper back into the envelope and looks down at both of them. Even though they’re gone now, nothing will take away the love and bonds he had with them.

 

After they were done reading the letters, the put the dirt back in its place. Rin stares down at Haru and Makoto’s letters.

“You should keep them,” Nagisa says, coming up beside him.

Rin meets his gaze. “I will.”

Nagisa continues to stare at him before speaking again. “Mind staying with us for a bit longer?”

Rin didn’t expect to be out this long but he knows his family and Sousuke won’t mind as long as he’s with someone.

Nagisa takes them over to one of the side doors and pulls a set of keys from his pocket.

“Why do you have the keys to this place?” Rin asks as Nagisa thumbs through them.

“I borrowed them from Goro-chan since he closed the place for yesterday and today. It’s the only place I could think about coming today besides the high school and there’s something I wanted you to see.” Nagisa tries one of the keys. When that doesn’t work, he tries one a similarly shaped key and it slides in, unlocking the door.

Nagisa holds the door open for them and Rin enters first, followed up by the others. Nagisa walks around him and leads the way through the building.

Rin glances around and remembers all the memories he shared with Haru and Makoto here. It’s a place he could still feel connected to them and he’s glad Nagisa thought of it.

They turn a corner and arrive at the entrance. The setting sun bathes the room in warm light.

“This is it, Rin-chan.”

Rin turns to see Nagisa gesturing to the wall across from the front desk. He remembers there were photos on the wall of past club members and braces himself for the inevitable ones of them.

He stands in front of it and takes it all in. There’s more on the wall than he remembered. There is the one after their first relay when they were kids next to the one from high school. A smile spreads across his face for the first time in two days. Those were two of the happiest days of his early life. He steps up closer to the wall, putting his hands on his hips as he looks at the unfamiliar ones with them. Ones of Makoto coaching kids or Haru swimming in a college race.

“I’m sure Goro-chan can make you copies of these for you to have,” Nagisa says stepping up next to him, bringing Rin out of his thoughts. “Although they may be gone now, their memory will always live on here. And with you.”

Rin glances down at him and without thinking, he pulls Nagisa into a hug. He feels the smaller man shake as he starts to cry and he tightens his hold. It doesn’t take long for Rei to wrap his arms around both of them.

“Not just me. But with all of us. We’ll never forget them,” Rin says.

They’ll never be forgotten.

 

* * *

 

2020 Tokyo Olympics

Rin slaps his hand onto the wall and his eyes are on the scoreboard as he pulls out of the water. He takes a couple of deep breaths as he processes the number he sees. The crowds’ cheering is deafening but Rin doesn’t even notice as he pumps his fist into the air.

_01 Matsuoka Rin_

In the last leg, he was able to pull ahead to secure the win in the freestyle. His first medal at the Games and it was gold.

He pulls his swim cap and goggles off. Out of old habit, he glances to lane beside him. He knows Haru isn’t there, just like how Makoto isn’t sitting up in the stands cheering him on. Even after all this time, it still hurts.

He climbs out of the pool and accepts the congratulations from the other competitors. Before he can head back to the locker room, he’s stopped by a reporter.

Rin smiles at her and waits for her question.

“What does this win mean for you?” she asks in English.

“It’s great motivation going into my upcoming races, but ask me that again once I have three gold medals,” he answers back in English.

She quirks an eyebrow at him. “Isn’t that a bit presumptuous of you?”

“Perhaps, but I’m not winning these medals for myself. They’re for those are no longer here with me. I wouldn’t have made it this far if it wasn’t for them, so I want to honor their memories the best way I can.”

The reporter’s expression quickly changes when she realizes he’s not being cocky. “My apologies.”

“None taken. If you’d excuse, I need to go.”

He bows his head and moves on before she can ask any more questions.  

 

Later that night, he meets up with Sousuke once he’s done with all the reporters.

“I’m so glad to see you,” he greets, giving him only a quick peck on the lips since they’re in public. “I didn’t think I’d ever escape all the questions.”

Sousuke laughs. “Well, it’s a big deal.”

Rin rolls his eyes. “I know but I still have more races coming up. They can save it until I have three gold medals around my neck.”

“You earned the attention.”

Rin ducks his head and rubs the back of his neck in embarrassment. Part of him _did_ like it but he wasn’t cut out for it. That’s not his reason for swimming.

He drops his hand to his side and gazes up at the starry night. “I just wish they were here for this,” he says quietly.

“I know.” Sousuke wraps his arm around Rin’s shoulder, pulling him close, and presses his lips to Rin’s temple. “They’d be proud of you, although Haru would have made you work hard for that gold.”

Rin leans into him, winding his arm around Sousuke’s waist. He doesn’t know what he’d done if he hadn’t had Sousuke at his side. He hopes they’d forgive him for moving on after them.

“Yeah and he’d hate all the attention with reporters sticking mics in his face,” he says wistfully.

Sousuke rubs this shoulder and chuckles. “He sure would have, but you’d help him through it.”

“Makoto would have told him to be nice and answer their questions politely,” Rin adds.

“Most likely.”

There still isn’t a day that goes by where Rin doesn’t think about Haru and Makoto and he knows it’ll always be that way. He’ll never stop missing them. If Sousuke notices his tears, he doesn’t say anything.

He knows one day he’ll see them again.

**Author's Note:**

> Timeline, particularly with the Olympics, is intentionally left vague since the show has never been clear on what year it is. I just really wanted it to be the Tokyo events Rin participated in.
> 
> If you liked this and want to share it on tumblr, along with the gifset I made for this, use this [post](http://bekasyura.tumblr.com/post/177559323076/i-wont-forget-the-season-when-we-were-here-a). Or for twitter, this [post](https://twitter.com/tripcreates/status/1035227422973681665).


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